2012

I just wanted to take a moment to reminisce about the best year of my life. 

In January, I moved in with someone who would not only become my best friend and ultimate inspiration, but would teach me more than I ever thought possible about optimism, joy, and love. We watched movies and listened to music and stayed up late having pillow talk, and it was the first month of the happiest semester of my life. 

By spring, I had celebrated my 19th birthday, seen the Avett Brothers live, made some great new friends, became closer with old friends, saw the posse, and managed to squeeze in some time for school and work too. I was hired at Red Mango, I was working at the music library on campus, and just generally having a great time at UNL. 

Once summer rolled around, I moved into my own little studio apartment and spent my days at work and my nights with the posse. I spent hot days at the fair and at Czech Days in Wilber, Nebraska with Rachel. I took adventures. My summer was full of live music - I saw one of the best concerts of my life (Mumford and Sons) and heard a great musical legend, too (B.B. King). I traveled with the family, spending one last summer at my childhood cabin in Minnesota, and applied for my visa to study abroad in Chicago. I hugged my friends and family, and I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was leaving. 

Southeast Graduation - Wanufi and Becca

Mumford and Sons - Pinewood Bowl

Mumford and Sons - Pinewood Bowl

Alli and I appeared on our friend Beau's morning radio show

Olivia and I taking year-end pictures

More graduation pictures

Red Mango

Chicago - Summer 2012

Moving into the apartment!

Minnesota - Summer 2012

Minnesota Zoo - Summer 2012

And then September 2nd came and I found myself on a plane on the way to Milan, Italy, where I spent three and a half months on the biggest adventure I'd ever taken. I traveled far and wide, seeing Scotland and France and Switzerland, getting pick-pocketed in Spain, and swimming in the Mediterranean in the early fall. I met some of the sweetest girls I could've hoped to live with, and we had fun studying, traveling, and partying together. I realized that the vision of the world and my future that I had when I arrived was inaccurate and incomplete, so I changed it. I ate the best food of my life, including an exquisite pizza in Rome that changed my entire definition of pizza. I got to travel with my biggest ally and my greatest friend, my Mom. Mom, just so you know: you gave me the greatest gift I ever could have asked for by allowing and funding my trip to Italy. I learned the most about myself while I was there, and if I hadn't gone I don't know that I ever would have figured out what I wanted. Thank you for being endlessly supportive of me, and for never giving up on me, even when I was confused, hot-mess. You are the best mom in the world and I love you so much!

The Duomo

Best girls in all of Italy - Morgan, Anne, Marissa, Nicole, Celynna, Rachael, Kristin, and Elyssa

Cinque Terre

Lake Como

Lake Como

Fabbrica's Pizza - Milano, Italy

Lugano, Switzerland

Lugano, Switzerland

Scotland

Scotland

Barcelona

Barcelona

Barcelona

Rachael's Birthday

Thanksgiving

Paris

Paris

Paris

Kristin's Birthday

End of the Year Party

End of the Year Party

Rome

Rome

Finally, I returned home to the loving arms of the best friends a girl could ask for, and my year came full circle as I rang in the New Year with the people I love most in the world. 2012 has been one of the most fulfilling and enriching years of my life, and I can only hope that 2013 will be equally joyful. 

Love and Happiness

This year has been the best year of my life - 2012 has been extremely kind to me, and I am VERY grateful for that! Not only did I find an awesome roommate and best friend, I was also given the chance to study abroad in the fall and I have been fortunate to have not only one but two stable jobs. I am blessed with great friends and a loving family. In all, I couldn't imagine having had a better year, and it's only June.

However, recently I've noticed an unsettling trend amongst my friends and acquaintances that occurs when I mention that I'll be studying overseas. Typically the first thing people say when I tell them (after, "Where will you be going?") is "Wow, I cannot wait to meet the beautiful Italian boy you'll fall in love with." They usually then proceed to tell me about a cousin/friend/coworker who went to study in some faraway place and came back with a fiancee. While this is kind of sweet, and I appreciate the excitement about my currently-non-existent love life, there's kind of an underlying pressure here: "Hope it goes better for you over there because America clearly hasn't been cutting it for you."

Frankly, I think this is just silly. No one ever mentions how exciting it is that I will have the world literally at my feet - I can travel to any country that I want, and I can do it by myself. I am self-sufficient, I am in control, and I am learning how to take care of myself. No one ever mentions how cool it is that I get to pick up a third language, one that mere weeks ago I couldn't even say "Please" and "Thank you" in. No one wants to talk about how much of a headache it is to get visa papers in order, or how much fun it was picking an apartment to live in, or even what kind of classes I'll be taking. All anyone (not counting my mother or my roommate, because let's be real, they usually say the right thing) wants to talk about is my impending romantic affair with some brawny, scruffy Italian man.

And sure, perhaps that will happen. Maybe I'll get over there, and some guy will be really, really impressed at the amount of pasta I can eat in one setting (as a side note: I've been training for this my entire life), and we'll fall madly in love and we'll be happy together for a long, long time.

But in all reality, that could just as easily happen here. I could be sitting in Fazoli's scarfing down my sixth breadstick when some man suddenly approaches me and compliments me on the rockin' bod I've managed to keep while eating eight times the normal carbohydrate intake for someone my age. No one knows! No one has any idea what this trip is going to bring for me in terms of the relationships I form, and in all honesty, I'd prefer people just kept their far-fetched ideas of an 'exotic love affair' to themselves. When I deign to enter a relationship with a guy, it's going to be because he is awesome, and he wants to travel with me, and he loves me for who I am. He's not going to be my protector, he's not going to be my financial provider, he's not even going to be my best friend. He's going to be a guy that I'm in love with - asking him to be anything else is a lot of pressure to put on one person. When I find that guy, he's going to be sweet and he's going to love the silly things about me that most people don't like and he's going to make me believe that he truly is "the best thing that ever happened to me," like Ray LaMontagne says.

Going to a foreign country isn't about finding a boyfriend. It's not about settling down with some rich prince, or whatever people seem to think happens when a college girl goes overseas. It's about me figuring out what I need to be happy, and figuring out if the plans I have for my life are really possible. If a boy happens to saunter in while all that is going on, then fine! I'm happy to have him there. But I just wish it weren't the first thing people ask about.

This guy, whoever and wherever he is, is going to be fantastic, and I am sure I am going to love him more than I can understand right now. But he is not going to be the motivation behind my every move. He's going to be what he's always been, what he was before we ever met: another human being. One with hopes and dreams and excitement about the future. He'll just have someone to share it with.

One of my favorite lyrics is from the Mumford and Sons song Sigh No More: "Love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free; make you more like the man you were made to be." I've done a lot of thinking and a lot of observing over the past few months in order to figure out what I think a healthy relationship should be, and this lyric sums it up better than any words I could use. Love is finding someone who can give you what you need and teach you about things you didn't understand. It isn't about having money or being exotic or even being 'the perfect couple.' It's about being happy, and if I manage to find a guy who makes me feel as happy as I've been this year, whether he's from Milan or Milwaukee, I'll know I'm doing things right.